Formal Letter (Descriptive Reflection)
Subject: Self-introduction letter
Dear Prof Brad
I am writing this letter to share with you more information
regarding myself. My name is Ezekiel Joshua Sum Jun Yi, currently studying sustainable infrastructure engineering in Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT) from your class SIE 2016 – T3. I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic (TP) in 2018, with a diploma in green building and sustainability. My interest in engineering
grown significantly after my final year in polytechnic. I was exposed to hands-on
projects which were related to my studies in green technology. The long hours of lectures paid off, as I was able to apply all the
theories in the project that was assigned to me and my partner.
One of my hobbies is photography, I enjoy spending my
weekends going to cafes and the streets of Singapore capturing special moments
of different people. Besides capturing portraits of our locals, I enjoy looking
out for unique buildings or architects which stand out to me. When I looked back on what I had studied back in polytechnic, it is fascinating when you understand
how buildings functions and the reason behind each design.
Apart from my hobby, I love to share a little more about my experience in National Service over the past 2 years. The task assigned to me as a senior police officer was far greater than what I had expected. One of my strengths is diligence, it helps me to overcome most of the obstacles that I faced during my service.
Apart from my strength, I had a fear of speaking or presenting to a large group of people. However, I did not had a choice as my job requires proper communication skills to speak with my officers and members of the public during patrols. I tend to tense up and display signs of nervousness during my presentation. There were times where I struggled to speak in front of my peers and even my superiors.
With the leadership skillset which I acquired over the past 2
years, my goal is to be a better leader in this field. I hope this module will strengthen me to be a confident speaker and helping me to communicate well with my peers and
my superiors.
Yours sincerely
Ezekiel Joshua
Amended on 27th November 2020.
Thanks much for the effort with this letter, Ezekial. I look forward to seeing detailed feedback from your blogging group members, and I will only comment after that.
ReplyDeleteThank you Prof.
DeleteDear Joshua,
ReplyDeleteI have just read your letter and it has given me the opportunity to know more about you. You mentioned that your hobby is photography and you looked out for unique buildings. You have linked it to how does the building functions and also the reason of it. I do agree with you on that point as I too find it a curiosity why does certain buildings were built this way. And how does it managed to withstand the structure without falling off ?
It's good to hear that you were a senior police officer. I believe being able to become an officer require some standards and it's not easy to be appointed as a senior police officer. Possessing a positive working attitude towards your work is a good motivation to complete the tasks given.
Overall, I like the contents of your letter as it tells me what you had gone through and by experiences, how you were able to push through the 2 years of National Service. Which I can relate, these 2 years were definitely a tough one.
Yours sincerely,
Jin Han
Dear Jin Han,
DeleteThank you for taking some time to read my blog and giving me your honest feedback. It is great to hear that we have something in common which is National Service. Let's strive hard and work closely in classes.
Yours sincerely,
Ezekiel Joshua
Dear Joshua,
ReplyDeleteUpon reading your letter, I am intrigued at how your hobby at photography has helped you develop an interest in buildings and architecture! You also mentioned on how you relate back to your studies and materials when you observe and decipher the functions of the buildings that you take photos of. This tells me that you really know your information well and apply it to real life situations.
In your third paragraph, you share about your experience in National Service and how it has led you to discover your strengths and weaknesses. I totally relate with your point on being afraid to speak in front of large crowds. I too feel the nervousness and fear when presenting to a group of people.
I had hoped however that there were more descriptions on your strengths and weaknesses compared to your introduction and background information. I have also spotted some minor grammar errors. Overall, I liked the flow and the detailed background information and hobbies that you have shared.
Yours Sincerely
Ho Shimin
Dear Shimin,
DeleteThank you for your honest feedback, you have pointed out a few things which I can improve on. I will definitely look into it. Let's work it out together to be a better speaker in front of large crowds.
Yours sincerely,
Ezekiel Joshua
Dear Joshua,
ReplyDeleteI had just finish reading your letter, it was fascinating to hear how your hobby in photography has sparked your interest and curiosity into building architecture. I like the flow of your letter, especially how you mention and relate your learning experiences into the work of your final year project. I also spotted some errors in the tenses used, you might also want to add in commas after your opening and closing phrases.
Overall, it's a wonderful article and I look forward to working with you in future assignments.
Regards,
Raymond
Dear Raymond,
DeleteThank you for taking some time to read my blog and leaving me helpful feedbacks which I can improve on my writing.
I look forward working with you closely in class.
Yours sincerely,
Ezekiel Joshua
Dear Ezekial Joshua (EJ?)
ReplyDeleteThank you for this detailed letter. You address the key requirements of the assignment and add some color in terms of explanations. I welcome your open and honest sharing of ideas and experiences. In particular, it is interetsing to learn of your experience as a police officer and how you view your need for better comm skills in that job context.
You've also received useful feedback from your peers. Be sure to acknowledge your peers' input. Doing so would be a sign that you're moving toward a fuller application of the art/science of communication.
In terms of language use, there are quite a few issues here, though mainly in terms of misuse of verb tense and the use of dangling modifiers:
1. verb use
-- My interest in engineering grown significantly during my final year in polytechnic. > (wrong verb form) ?
-- The task given to me as a senior police officer is far greater than what I expect. > (wrong verb tense in both verbs) ?
-- to what I had studied > (Is the past perfect tense needed?)
-- I am afraid of speaking in front of a large crowd. > (past or present? in fact, you're telling a story of the past.)
-- I did not have a choice as my job requires me to communicate with many officers and members of the public during patrols. There are times where I still struggle to speak in front of my peers. > (Again, you're telling a story. The verbs should be past tense.)
-- that I acquire over the past 2 years. > (tense ?)
-- who able to. > (wrong form of verb)
2. sentence structure
-- Looking back to what I had studied back in polytechnic, it is fascinating when you understand how buildings functions and the reason behind each design. >. (Who is looking back?)
-- Having diligent as one of my strength, it helps me to overcome most of the obstacles that I faced during my service. >. (Who has diligence as a strength?)
see https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/mechanics/dangling_modifiers_and_how_to_correct_them.html
Please review these and make the needed changes.
Thanks for the positive attitude toward learning. I look forward to learning more from you this term.
Brad